In A Relationship with God

As humans we thrive off having relationships with our peers and the wider population, whether it be a personal or public relation. No man is an island, just like a pack of wolves can’t function without the alpha or an army of ants without the queen, so then we cannot live without God. Many a times we try to close off ourselves from having a relationship with those around us because of some pass or present hurt, we are not gaining any substantial benefit, or simply because we lack the self-love to realize that those around us are deserving of our time and effort.
As a result, we find ourselves lost to the knowledge of self-identity, become broken mentally, emotionally and even physically majority of the time as we go in search of that missing piece or that something to fill the void. But as we search we may end up sinking further into ourselves not having the strength to even go through a day or just simply breathe. That’s until we catch that breath of fresh air and our mind is not clouded by all the negativity and we see and get addicted to that positivity we feel while in the presence of God.  
We then move to asking Who am I?
For the longest while that has been the scariest question that someone could ask me, because I in myself didn’t know, so I’d say, “if you stick around long enough you’ll find out.”  But what I really meant was, welcome to my roller-coaster ride cause I’m figuring me out too.
I’ve always believed in God but never truly knew what it meant to trust in him. It wasn’t until one day my mom said to me that there is a difference to know God and knowing about God. That’s when the gears in my head started to turn and my natural problem solver of a brain started to think, and analyze, and critic repeatedly.
Then I realized all this time I had that empty feeling within me, that didn’t seem to fill up with anything I tried to stuff in it was because I wasn’t giving it to the rightful owner to fill. It was then I realized that you cannot believe in God and not Trust in him, you’ll feel unaccomplished no matter what you do. It was then I realized what it meant to have God at the center of your life, the beginning of your day and the ending of it. Because it was then I became a Christian and not just said I was a Christian.
I was no longer a part time Christian with one foot out and the other in. It was that point in time I handed over my broken self to God the potter for him to mold me the way he saw fit and to use me the way he wanted to, because it was in that instance I realized my life is not my own, my body is not my own and I’m on His borrowed time.
So, one step at a time I started working on myself with His guidance to live according to the fruits of the spirits and to believe in His identity for me. Because I am His child, I am a royal priesthood, I am A Friend of God and I am Uniquely and Wonderfully made. The journey has not been easy but through it I’m learning my strengths and I’m allowing 2 Corinthians 12:9 to be my constant reminder that He is always there, even when I feel so alone and dismal and feeling like I should let go.
I started to believe in myself, that I am worthy of love, that I am loved and those around me are deserving of my time and effort. I gained spiritual fulfilment while I lived different from those around me and I dared to be the difference in a world of indifference.
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"No one will ever actually understand your relationship with God so don’t let yourself be subjected to the judgement of other Christians and the world based on your mistakes and faults. At the end of the day, it is a personal connection between you two not a group connection."